I think Lorde sums it up perfectly in “Still Sane” when she says, “Today is my birthday and I’m riding high; hair is dripping, hiding that I’m terrified.” Ever since I turned 25, it’s always been like this – me cringing at another year gone by, unable to figure out what’s missing then having it all hit me in the face seconds later as I realize time is slipping away from me so fast. I’m 27 today but I don’t feel like I should be. I’m young at heart yet I feel like an old soul. Basically, I am weird and I will never make sense.
Today’s playlist is all about those birthday blues – those moments when you know you should be grateful to see another year yet just the thought of celebrating makes you sad. I long for the years of my childhood and I often wish I could redo them so I’d have a positive perspective on the future. Let’s be honest: growing up is hard. The tracks I carefully chose for this list all deal with longing, innocence and the notion of being jaded yet still hopeful.
For someone so childlike, I tend to feel everything so deeply to the point where I often feel as if this world is crushing me with its cruelty. In Lana Del Rey‘s “Old Money,” she sings, “The power of youth is on my mind; sunsets, small town, I’m out of time.” Why do I always feel like I’m out of time? That, as much as I hate to compare myself to others, I’m always way behind? Then there’s Neon Trees‘ “Still Young” as singer Tyler Glenn belts, “But I’m still young. Wide eyed and hopeless” and LIGHTS‘ ode to her youth, “If I can’t keep you nobody can.” Every song on this list holds a piece of us as we get older, but I think Everyone Moves Away‘s “Waiting For Futures” says it all: “All we have is falling. What are we waiting for?”
What the hell am I waiting for?
