For Esmé has been a favorite here at TDL since they dazzled us with their 2015 release, Sugar. Now, the Toronto electro-pop band, fronted by feminist queen, Martha Meredith, has unleashed their new record, Righteous Woman, and needless to say, it is everything women have ever needed in this lifetime.
Inspired by a journey of self-discovery with an overall – and very greatly appreciated – feminist approach, Righteous Woman explores all of the gray areas often not spoken about. From marriage to the notion of having (or not having) children to tales of catcalling and misogyny plaguing our society, no area is left untouched, no story left untold in this feminist awakening that is Righteous Woman.
We asked Martha Meredith to break down each track off of Righteous Woman in this exclusive track-by-track commentary. The results: justice for all.
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“To Love”
About growing out of your old self and realizing your worth. When someone who didn’t want you to know it re-emerges, you see the way they saw you with fresh perspective.
“I Never Learn”
That lens of ‘eyes on me’ is a problem in and of itself. Prioritizing others’ images of me over my own. When I started making this record I was angry, and condemning misogyny in other people. The deeper I got into making the record the more I had to confront my own internalized misogyny. The ways that even though I know better, I still let patriarchal media and values affect my view of myself. I did a lot of research about self-objectification through psych studies, and learned some pretty tough stuff: women who self-objectify have a harder time creating and maintaining creative flow because their super ego is always checking in on them to self-criticize. They are more likely to experience depression, disordered eating, and even have a harder time orgasming! They are too good at checking in on themselves from the outside to stay centered within. It was so familiar to me and so devastating — it felt like such an unfair hand to be dealt, and such a disruptive waste of intellect and feeling that I couldn’t control. I couldn’t go back and un-consume all the poisonous messaging I absorbed as a young person.
“Small Talk”
Confronting misogyny around me & especially within me was a lonely experience. I found a lot of people didn’t want to have these difficult conversations with me, perhaps because they didn’t want to have to have them with themselves. I felt isolated. When I spoke passionately about this and my general existential loneliness, I felt self-conscious that I was being too intense, and I felt ashamed for being self-conscious for that too. It felt like everyone wanted a frontwoman to be a super ‘chill girl’/‘cool girl’ and I’m not that (There have been some great articles on this female stereotype since Gone Girl!). While the song is dark, it builds to a euphoric finish, where you cut through all that bullshit and ultimately get to be very real and it’s the most beautiful and rewarding thing.
“To Hate”
This was the first song I wrote for this record and it really set the whole thing in motion. As a straight white woman who has come from a lot of privilege, I feel a lot of guilt and helplessness when I’m reading the news and confronting how problematic and unjust the world we live in is. I also feel so angry when people don’t care. I wanted to capture that feeling while communicating a message of hope — how important it is to stay informed and keep fighting the good fight — through a real high-energy dance track.
”Secret Church”
Coming back to being centered and sane, I found I had to build in escapes for myself in order to maintain that conviction I was trying so hard live with. I spent a lot of time alone in the woods this year relearning how to listen to myself.
”For Others”
This record was written in the year between my getting engaged and married to my partner of 7 years and friend of 17. It often felt like two paths were diverging in front of me: one for an untethered, wild and outspoken feminist artist, and the other for a grounded, happy and simple life. I wanted and continue to want both, because neither offers fulfillment without the other. It was such a serious time for reflection on what parts of your family tradition you want to bring with you into your own adulthood and what you want to reject. I want all the good parts without the expectations placed on wives and mothers to be these endlessly nurturing martyrs. I want both so badly, I just find it hard to believe in sometimes. “I’m not a liar, I’m just undecided.”
“Doubtmouth”
Over the past few years I’ve worked in four different all male teams for different jobs and I was exhausted from all the tiptoeing I felt I had to do be heard. I found repeatedly that if I spoke the same way the men on my team spoke, that I would be treated negatively for being ‘too confident’ or ‘too outspoken’ or ‘too combative’ — even though it was precisely these traits that got me those positions in the first place. I have experienced being labeled an ‘angry woman’ first hand, and I am a very level person. Again I dove into the psych studies and found the results disturbing. In a blind test, when men and women promote the exact same opinion assertively to a group (word for word), subjects overwhelmingly shift their opinions to agree with the man when he speaks, and are more likely to push against and oppose the same view if it comes from a woman. It was a relief to discover this wasn’t in my head, but it was also incredibly frustrating — if the bias runs that deep in both men and women, how do we overcome it?
“Modern Love”
Equal parts ‘note to self’ and a message of strength to my female identifying friends. A direct nod to one of my favourite essays, “On Self Respect’ by the incomparable Joan Didion. A woman I know captioned a picture from her wedding with “now I am complete” and I also really wanted to push against that idea — that women’s wholeness is defined by men’s attention and devotion. Backed up by a fabulous chorus of Toronto Women In Music.
“Didn’t Ask”
Tired of being catcalled, and having men comment on my appearance uninvited in general, I wanted to write the kind of response I wish I had the strength to ever give in the moment. Filled out with an equal parts funny and sad conversation with triple-threat feminist heroes Amy Nostbakken & Norah Sadava of Quote Unquote Collective and multi-award-winning Mouthpiece. Amy and Norah co-directed my music video for “Small Talk” with Chelsea McMullan.
“Asleep // Awake”
In all this trying to be be righteous, the most important part for me, is accepting that I can’t ultimately be a perfect human. I’m always going to make mistakes and its better to be brave and try to do what’s right than to stay silent. A reminder that we learn from our mistakes and in making them we can become stronger, wiser, better, and ultimately more courageous.
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